Today my heart is heavy. I shipped 2 wethers (texel/shetland x) to the processor as well as 2 rams that just didn't have what it took for breeding. I retained one very nice black ram, and even though I told myself that I didn't need a 3rd ram going into winter, he was just too promising to send off just yet. Black as coal, soft, silky and luster like crazy, perfect little tail, nice and square, but not a lot of size yet, so I'm going to wait.
As much as I know what happens to rams that don't make the cut, it hurts me to have to send them to be processed. My emotions are right on the surface today due to some return of my insomnia and chronic pain, so the early morning round up was especially heart wrenching for me today. Then, just as I thought I couldn't feel any more guilty, the 2 wethers walked in the shed, followed me across to the door and walked right on the trailer. My first thought was, maybe I'm not cut out for this stuff.
I'm pretty proud of the fact that I found homes for all the breeding quality rams with the exception of the one that I kept, and I keep reminding myself that we kept one Texel ewe to cross with the Shetlands for meat lambs, but today I'm struggling.
Maybe a good nights sleep will restore me and ease my hurt.........